However, sometimes efforts I make to "enlighten" myself as to the perceptions of others leave me truly dumbstruck. As in, I feel less enlightened and less hopeful about the nature of our common humanity than I did before.
Witness the marital "advice" of one Dennis Prager on the issue of wives who withhold sex when they are not "in the mood":
Incredulity is certainly the reaction most women have when first being told that a man knows he is loved when his wife gives him her body. The idea that the man she is married to, let alone a man whose intelligence she respects, will to any serious extent measure her love of him by such a carnal yardstick strikes many women as absurd and even objectionable.
But the question that should matter to a woman who loves her man is not whether this proposition speaks poorly or well of male nature. It is whether it is true. And it is true beyond anything she can imagine. [em: mine]
Prager constructs these paper-thin, cartoon-like Ken and Barbie-doll images of "men" and "women" in a manner that is deeply de-humanizing. And, from my point of view, even more offensive to men than to women.
The essence of his argument is that I, as a man, can barely contain my carnal urges and, if not placated unremittingly by my wife, will end up humping furniture at holiday gatherings and the like. So, she just better learn to live with it.
Telling your husband to control it is a fine idea. But he already does. Every man who is sexually faithful to his wife already engages in daily heroic self-control. He has married knowing he will have to deny his sexual nature's desire for variety for the rest of his life. To ask that he also regularly deny himself sex with the one woman in the world with whom he is permitted sex is asking far too much. Deny him enough times and he may try to fill this need with another woman. If he is too moral to ever do that, he will match your sexual withdrawal with emotional and other forms of withdrawal. [em: mine]
Didn't bang the secretary at work today? Well you, my friend, are now a certified hero!! Are they giving out Purple Hearts for this kind of thing yet?
It may not surprise to note that Prager is twice divorced. I really can't imagine why.
But maybe the Daily Kos post titled "Dennis Prager Woos His Imaginary Wife" can shed some hypothetical light on the matter.
"My, your marital obligation looks lovely tonight. And, in the light of these florescent tubes (candles are for sissies), may I tell you that I treasure your choice to submit to the duties of your vows MORE today than on the day you signed your name to a contract dooming you to a life of faking it for sake of my self-image!"
Can I get an Amen on that?
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1 comment:
I read some of this aloud to Jeff and he found it amusing. He doesn't have a secretary, he reminds me, so apparently he's not a hero.
I think it's interesting that the female example all men are heroic in denying themselves is the secretary. Had to pick a woman in a subordinate position. In other words, if the wife doesn't subordinate herself to his needs, he'll have to pick on a woman whose livelihood depends on doing so. What year is this? 200...9? What a cretin.
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